It's Never Just Five Minutes
Lisa Greenstein Therapy October 2026
Between us Moms (and those trying to be)
I'm so glad you're here. I hope you stick around
It's Never Just Five Minutes
Ever wonder if there’s something “wrong” with you because your stress level spikes when something runs five minutes over?
You’re driving to school drop-off and discover a street closure you didn’t plan for. Now you’re probably going to be late for your first call. Or you’re almost at soccer practice when your kid announces they forgot their shin guards. You have to turn around, but that means you’ll be late for daycare pickup for your other child. You’re in a meeting, or a waiting room, or a grocery line that’s taking longer than expected, and you’re tapping your foot, noticing that you feel physically uncomfortable.
It's probably because you’re already mentally rearranging the rest of the day, figuring out what won’t get done, and adding it to the list of things you have to remember for later. Those five minutes might be the beginning of a chain reaction, and suddenly you’ve added more to a mental load that was already very full.
Yesterday, I went to the dentist, and it took way longer than expected. I’m usually in and out in thirty minutes, but I had a new hygienist who was more than thorough, everything moved more slowly, and then she told me she was “just going to chart a few things” before the doctor came in. If I told any of my clients I was going to write my note before they could leave, I don’t think it would go over very well. My two o’clock appointment was now getting uncomfortably close to 3:05 pickup time.
I kept checking my watch throughout the cleaning, and when we finally finished, I got the good news: no cavities, everything looked great. Which, of course, always brings a brief and completely unwarranted feeling of dental superiority.
Then she asked if I wanted to schedule my next appointment.
I was halfway out the door when I called back, “I’ll just call!”
She laughed. “It’ll only take two minutes.”
I needed those two minutes back eighteen minutes ago.
“I really have to go,” I said, and then had to run back for my sweater and bag.
“Wow, someone’s in a rush.”
And I felt a little judged.
On the drive to school, I thought, This is why it’s so hard to tell a mom’s nervous system to calm down. It’s not just about five minutes. It’s about the whole domino effect those five minutes can set off.
Five minutes later to pickup means five minutes later getting home. Five minutes later reminding my older kids that they have somewhere to be. Five minutes later starting snack negotiations and asking, “Did you pack your hockey bag?” approximately 8.3 times before we can leave.
Then I’m late dropping my third grader at tennis, and maybe I look flustered in the parking lot or don’t say hi to someone, and probably end up with a parking spot farther away, which adds another three minutes.
That's now eight minutes later dropping my sixth grader at hockey practice. The people-pleaser part of me doesn’t want his coach to be annoyed, and I don’t want my son to feel pressured to rush getting ready. Then I feel guilty because maybe the kids are absorbing my stress.
Somewhere along the way, I also lose the time I’d planned to use to chop vegetables for dinner or reorder the credit card that somehow went missing. And once again, I forget to seal the box that needs to go back to Amazon. Why are there some returns you can’t just use a QR code for? Someone please explain.
Those things don’t go away. They get added to the list for later. Now I have to remember them, figure out when I’m going to do them, and keep carrying them around in my head. Plus, I have to remember to call the dentist to schedule six months out. Because if I don’t, we know what will happen.
So what’s the moral?
I don’t know that I have a great solution. Appointments run late, things get forgotten, and a mom’s schedule can feel like a jigsaw puzzle with almost no wiggle room. Sometimes it’s a puzzle no one could ever solve, but somehow we still expect ourselves to make every piece fit.
But here are a few things that might help:
Try not to make it self-reflective. By that, I mean turning a stressful situation into a judgment about yourself. This isn’t a moral failure. It doesn’t mean you’re not a great mom. Sometimes the task at hand is more than the available time allows. The afternoon isn’t holding up a mirror to tell you that you’re doing something wrong or aren’t good enough.
Let it be uncomfortable without making the feeling another problem to solve. You can say, “I don’t like this. I wish this appointment were over. I really need to leave.” There may be logistics to sort out, but you don’t also have to figure out how to stop feeling stressed before you can move forward. Making your reaction another item on the to-do list only adds more mental load.
Ask yourself, “When will this stop mattering?” In two hours? Two days? That question can help put the moment in perspective. Being late might still be inconvenient, but it can feel a little more manageable when you remember that it won’t matter forever.
Let your kids see you handle a hard moment with some kindness toward yourself. We can’t prevent every chaotic afternoon, but we can practice getting through one without talking down to ourselves or blaming ourselves for things outside our control. That’s something we want our kids to learn, too: things won’t always go our way, and we can handle them. And if we do freak out and drop some colorful language? We can repair. “I was stressed, and I snapped. I’m sorry.” Another beautiful lesson.
We don’t have to turn every difficult afternoon into a teaching moment. But when our kids see us recover, apologize, or give ourselves a little grace, they get to see emotional resilience in real life. And we get to practice it, too, so maybe next time it will be a little easier.
Or maybe next time I’ll just schedule my dentist appointment on a day I'm not doing pick up.
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